


That 2016 Election, Explained

by thaliaarche



Series: That 2016 Election [1]
Category: American Government RPF, Election - All Media Types, Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler, Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Canon-Typical Offensiveness and Inanity, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 13:23:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7224028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thaliaarche/pseuds/thaliaarche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I shall unravel all the mysteries of the 2016 presidential election in just 216 words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That 2016 Election, Explained

**Author's Note:**

> I've been tempted to write this for months.
> 
> If you're a Donald Trump supporter, I recommend you skip this one.

Trump Tower rings with a trademarked Trump tantrum.

“These are ridiculous, these polls are ridiculous.” The Donald’s complexion deepens from orange to bright red. “I just had a cross-burning at a rally, and my numbers are huge. These losers are still in love with me!”

“Well, the American public has a deep-seated appreciation for hatred,” remarks a pasty-faced, bespectacled advisor. “You will be president, just as you told me you wanted.”

“Hey, I never said that,“ Trump jabs a short, pudgy finger at him. "If there’s one thing I can tell you, I never said that.”

The advisor raises his eyebrows. “Unfortunately, Mr. Trump, this is one deal you cannot walk back, though you’re welcome to try.”

“You think you can beat me at a deal?” Trump fumes. “I break the best deals. I am so good at breaking deals, your head will spin!”

“Oh?”

“You won’t get a thing outta me!” Trump gesticulates wildly. “I’ll promise to nuke Beijing! I’ll start a campaign to repeal the 19th amendment! I’ll hit on my daughter on national television!”

“Futile attempts, though I look forward to them.”

“I’m going to lose, more bigly than anything you’ve ever seen!”

“You will win, kicking and screaming,” the other man smirks. “After all, I am one hell of a political consultant.”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my [tumblr](https://thaliaarche.tumblr.com/post/146035465777/that-2016-election-explained).
> 
> Edited on November 8th, 2016— never have I cried more upon realizing my cracky headcanon is canon-compliant. What the hell, America? What have you done?


End file.
